Well 3 weeks into my new job now, and things seem to be going good. I dont seem as stressed! But just trying to fit into the new routine.
I have been very emotional over the past few weeks. My period arrived on wednesday, this is the first one that hasnt been northisterone induced and so now its a wait and see if it ever finishes! I hope so!
I had a few really teary days. I think the whole situation is really getting to me. Mainly because i was hoping to have had a baby by now! But alas that plan didnt work! My husband has been great. Not only has the whole baby situation got to me, but i feel a failure as a wife. I just dont feel i do as much as i should in regards to housework! My diet has been up and down! Mainly down and i dont have scales to weight my self on at work anymore so im not sure what i weigh! Im dreading my gynae appointment because i know they are just going to tell me to keep loosing weight! I know that they wont give me clomid! As much as i hope they will!
I had some strange dreams over the past few weeks aswell. One involved me breastfeeding a baby and another involving me having a C-section, yes i know weird! Babies are starting to creep into most of my dreams! Just why not reality!? Have i been that bad a person that i cannot do the one things i am good at and to me destined to do! Bring up a little family! Thats all i want to do!
Blurgh!
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Trauma!!!!!
OMG never in my life do i want to do an HSG test EVER!!!! It was awful....
The registrar radioligist was a lovely young man, he had a female assistant. Firstly husbands aren't allowed in the room, i was nervous as it was so this made me reall anxious. I got on the bed and they went ahead with getting the speculum in, MY GOD! He was rough and it hurt! I was in tears!! He took it out as it wasnt in the right place and then tried again!!!!!!!! Once it was in they pulled the machine over, but it kept jamming! They were pulling it and yanking and each time making the bed shake, which in turn made me clench which cause pain! After 5 mins of this i had enough and burst into tears!! I was sobbing and shaking like a baby. They decided to stop so they could fix the machine, so he had to take the speculum out! They were at least nice enough to call my husband in to calm me down!
Once it was fixed they asked if i wanted to continue! Which i did, get it over with now! So 3rd time lucky, speculum again! No he wasnt more gentle beings as i was upset! Finally got everything sorted! But boy was i quick to leave the room this time!
SO with that over with now, its just waiting. I have my next gynae appt in september.
Weighloss is going very very slow! I have given up with the gym and cancelled my membership because i was wasting money by not going and so i am having to find alternitive ways to loose weight, like playing on the dance game on the Wii! I will have to get a wii fit soon i think! Last time i weighed myself i was 112.1kg! So slowly getting there!!! But i dont think 2 days of junk food will have helped as we travelled 2 hours after work on friday to see friends, so got fast food to eat and then spent the day at the seaside on sat which again meant junk food! Detox week this week as in a few weeks i will be going to Leeds festival and the only option for food there is junk!! Oh joy!
The registrar radioligist was a lovely young man, he had a female assistant. Firstly husbands aren't allowed in the room, i was nervous as it was so this made me reall anxious. I got on the bed and they went ahead with getting the speculum in, MY GOD! He was rough and it hurt! I was in tears!! He took it out as it wasnt in the right place and then tried again!!!!!!!! Once it was in they pulled the machine over, but it kept jamming! They were pulling it and yanking and each time making the bed shake, which in turn made me clench which cause pain! After 5 mins of this i had enough and burst into tears!! I was sobbing and shaking like a baby. They decided to stop so they could fix the machine, so he had to take the speculum out! They were at least nice enough to call my husband in to calm me down!
Once it was fixed they asked if i wanted to continue! Which i did, get it over with now! So 3rd time lucky, speculum again! No he wasnt more gentle beings as i was upset! Finally got everything sorted! But boy was i quick to leave the room this time!
SO with that over with now, its just waiting. I have my next gynae appt in september.
Weighloss is going very very slow! I have given up with the gym and cancelled my membership because i was wasting money by not going and so i am having to find alternitive ways to loose weight, like playing on the dance game on the Wii! I will have to get a wii fit soon i think! Last time i weighed myself i was 112.1kg! So slowly getting there!!! But i dont think 2 days of junk food will have helped as we travelled 2 hours after work on friday to see friends, so got fast food to eat and then spent the day at the seaside on sat which again meant junk food! Detox week this week as in a few weeks i will be going to Leeds festival and the only option for food there is junk!! Oh joy!
Friday, 16 July 2010
opps, another well overdue update!!!
Hummm, when will i get into the swing of updating more often lol.
Well, updates, my Hubby has been discharged from his urologist, they are happy with his results on the well man vits. That is EXTREMELY good news!!! Although he does have high prolactic levels, which i am not sure what that means exactly. Will wait to ask my gynae when i see them in September.
I have my HSG test booked for 27th July. Really am NOT looking forward to it. I am very nervous about any new procedure i have to endure as i don't know what it will feel like. Will it hurt? I am such a wimp! I will be glad to get of the northisterone. It is making my weight loss more difficult and its not really good for baby making.
I am starting a new job in 2 weeks. Hoping it will be less stress. My current job is pushing me to my limits. I only went on holiday last week but i feel i need another one already!
Oh yeah, my old boss, (from when i was a nanny) is moving house. He has very kindly given me all the old baby stuff as he doesn't need it anymore (he has divorced his wife) and he was only gonna take it to a charity shop if we didn't want it. He said you will need in one day. I know people will think we are crazy, but why should we say no! I mean hope is a good thing. I want to try positive thinking. Plus its good stuff for free!! If we don't end up using it we can sell it and make some money lol.
Thanks once again for reading.
Well, updates, my Hubby has been discharged from his urologist, they are happy with his results on the well man vits. That is EXTREMELY good news!!! Although he does have high prolactic levels, which i am not sure what that means exactly. Will wait to ask my gynae when i see them in September.
I have my HSG test booked for 27th July. Really am NOT looking forward to it. I am very nervous about any new procedure i have to endure as i don't know what it will feel like. Will it hurt? I am such a wimp! I will be glad to get of the northisterone. It is making my weight loss more difficult and its not really good for baby making.
I am starting a new job in 2 weeks. Hoping it will be less stress. My current job is pushing me to my limits. I only went on holiday last week but i feel i need another one already!
Oh yeah, my old boss, (from when i was a nanny) is moving house. He has very kindly given me all the old baby stuff as he doesn't need it anymore (he has divorced his wife) and he was only gonna take it to a charity shop if we didn't want it. He said you will need in one day. I know people will think we are crazy, but why should we say no! I mean hope is a good thing. I want to try positive thinking. Plus its good stuff for free!! If we don't end up using it we can sell it and make some money lol.
Thanks once again for reading.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Weight update .....
I'm feeling good today. I know weight 113kg. I prefer to use kg as i feel i have lost more than stones ( i haven't even lost a stone yet!). But i think i am slowly getting there. I have stopped drinking squash and having more water instead. Not sure if this is helping! But i hope so!
My northisterone has been a pain! By god was my period painful and heavy. Thankfully i was prepared and took lots of ibuprofen. Also had a sore throat so didn't really feel to good that weekend. I didn't get an appointment for my HSG test, so will have to go through this for another month!
3 weeks time is my hubby's appt with his consultant. This should give us the low down on whether the well man vitamins have made any difference! I hope so because i think in Sept they may give me Clomid! xx Fingers crossed!
Other than mood swings, stress and emotional outbursts, things are same as. Work is STRESSING me big time, which i don't think is good for baby making, or my health in general!
Thanks for reading!!
My northisterone has been a pain! By god was my period painful and heavy. Thankfully i was prepared and took lots of ibuprofen. Also had a sore throat so didn't really feel to good that weekend. I didn't get an appointment for my HSG test, so will have to go through this for another month!
3 weeks time is my hubby's appt with his consultant. This should give us the low down on whether the well man vitamins have made any difference! I hope so because i think in Sept they may give me Clomid! xx Fingers crossed!
Other than mood swings, stress and emotional outbursts, things are same as. Work is STRESSING me big time, which i don't think is good for baby making, or my health in general!
Thanks for reading!!
Friday, 28 May 2010
Emotional Day
Phew, Yesterday, what a day.
Im not really sure why, but was just a bad, bad day. Work was very busy and with my collegue on Annual leave i was doing 2 peoples work. Then the transport was delayed and in general i was feeling very low about baby making. It have been a whole year since we have been trying, i was kinda hoping by now i would have a baby or be heavily pregnant! Then to rub it in i saw the cutest little girl sat in the pushchair that i dream of having one day! Not good. Felt like crying most of the day. Im not sure if its the northisterone that is making it worse!
My hubby went to give his sample again today. He has been on wellman vits for 3 months now, to see if they make any improvment to the quality. Fingers crossed because if nothing is improved then it may be the IVF route for us. But we will know in 6 weeks when we have his follow up appointment. Its going to be a long 6 weeks i think.
I havent been to the gym this week, which i am really annoyed at. Its been a busy week with other personal matters not connected to PSOC. Im will be back next week though. I think monday calls for swim.
Update soon
xxHELENxx
Im not really sure why, but was just a bad, bad day. Work was very busy and with my collegue on Annual leave i was doing 2 peoples work. Then the transport was delayed and in general i was feeling very low about baby making. It have been a whole year since we have been trying, i was kinda hoping by now i would have a baby or be heavily pregnant! Then to rub it in i saw the cutest little girl sat in the pushchair that i dream of having one day! Not good. Felt like crying most of the day. Im not sure if its the northisterone that is making it worse!
My hubby went to give his sample again today. He has been on wellman vits for 3 months now, to see if they make any improvment to the quality. Fingers crossed because if nothing is improved then it may be the IVF route for us. But we will know in 6 weeks when we have his follow up appointment. Its going to be a long 6 weeks i think.
I havent been to the gym this week, which i am really annoyed at. Its been a busy week with other personal matters not connected to PSOC. Im will be back next week though. I think monday calls for swim.
Update soon
xxHELENxx
Monday, 24 May 2010
OMG, i haven't updated in forever! I didn't realise i have followers either! Hello! Thank you for reading my boringness lol.
So, Whats going on with the PCOS? Well, i went to my follow up gynae appt. I had lost 3kg, which i thought was pretty good. She has also out me on northesiterone, so i can stop bleeding and get some regular cycles for my dye x ray test.
It is soo nice to not be bleeding. After almost constant bleeding all year, and recently a few heavier more painful bleeds (ended up in A&E begging for stronger pain killers!!! Was that bad) its a nice break. But i have been warned, the first bleed after taking northestirone for 3 weeks will be painful and heavy! Great!
I have been a bit up and down with the gym recently. I have been going, but dragging myself. I have stopped going to gym classes as i always feel so awkward and look like a fat whale trying to move! I hate the fact the room where you have the classes is all mirrored walls. I don't want to look at myself looking like an idiot thank you. I also don't feel comfortable if there are men in the classes too, or skinny women that wear tiny hot pants. Its gross! I have been thinking of trying curves, which is some kinda of women only gym. I will enquire at the weekend.
A close friend of my hubby (his best man) had a baby girl on Monday. Well not him, but his wife. Again that little bit of jealousy kicked in, but i am trying to be more positive. Its not fair to be jealous of other people! All babies are miracles. Its just even worse when you see pregnant ladies staggering down the street with a can of strongbow in their hands! That was sickening. Poor baby.
End of June we should get the low down on whats going on with my hubby's side of things. It will either be yes, we can think about the clomid or no its not worth it IVF for you. I really am not looking forward to it. I am too overweight for IVF on the NHS, and in most private clinics. I certainly wont be able to afford more than 1 cycle privately and i really don't like the idea of IVF, the whole injecting your self and waiting for the Positive or negative. Not sure if i could really cope with it! Adoption may be a route for us. But i really want to bring a child up from as young as possible. But i will have to see what the docs say before i start writing the situation off for now!!
Thank you for reading
So, Whats going on with the PCOS? Well, i went to my follow up gynae appt. I had lost 3kg, which i thought was pretty good. She has also out me on northesiterone, so i can stop bleeding and get some regular cycles for my dye x ray test.
It is soo nice to not be bleeding. After almost constant bleeding all year, and recently a few heavier more painful bleeds (ended up in A&E begging for stronger pain killers!!! Was that bad) its a nice break. But i have been warned, the first bleed after taking northestirone for 3 weeks will be painful and heavy! Great!
I have been a bit up and down with the gym recently. I have been going, but dragging myself. I have stopped going to gym classes as i always feel so awkward and look like a fat whale trying to move! I hate the fact the room where you have the classes is all mirrored walls. I don't want to look at myself looking like an idiot thank you. I also don't feel comfortable if there are men in the classes too, or skinny women that wear tiny hot pants. Its gross! I have been thinking of trying curves, which is some kinda of women only gym. I will enquire at the weekend.
A close friend of my hubby (his best man) had a baby girl on Monday. Well not him, but his wife. Again that little bit of jealousy kicked in, but i am trying to be more positive. Its not fair to be jealous of other people! All babies are miracles. Its just even worse when you see pregnant ladies staggering down the street with a can of strongbow in their hands! That was sickening. Poor baby.
End of June we should get the low down on whats going on with my hubby's side of things. It will either be yes, we can think about the clomid or no its not worth it IVF for you. I really am not looking forward to it. I am too overweight for IVF on the NHS, and in most private clinics. I certainly wont be able to afford more than 1 cycle privately and i really don't like the idea of IVF, the whole injecting your self and waiting for the Positive or negative. Not sure if i could really cope with it! Adoption may be a route for us. But i really want to bring a child up from as young as possible. But i will have to see what the docs say before i start writing the situation off for now!!
Thank you for reading
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Scan today
So today i went for a lovey scan where they stick a probe up my lady bits. Nice. Wasnt as bad as when i last had it done, which was when i had my diagnosis scan.
Anyway i went to get some not so nice information like how thick the lining of my womb is or if there are any polyps. The lovely scan lady also showed me my ovaries and what the cysts look like. It was kinda strange but nice to see!
Annoying thing was the ultra sound department for Gynae is shared with Antenatal ultrasound, a little ironic i hear you say, yes. Quite frustrating really watching all the mums with their bounty packs going off for scans. Yet im sat there trying to find a way to get to that stage! Bit insensitive of the hospital really.
Im finding this stupid diet a pain too. I know its all for a good cause, but why do i have to be the one who puts in 100% effort to conceive yet most other people "accidentally" get pregnant. Im gonna say they classic "its not fair". But i have to keep trying, fight through my worsening chocolate cravings. Oh i cannot tell you how bad they are getting. I swear i am getting more headaches because of the cold turkey. Arrghhhhh!
Anyway i went to get some not so nice information like how thick the lining of my womb is or if there are any polyps. The lovely scan lady also showed me my ovaries and what the cysts look like. It was kinda strange but nice to see!
Annoying thing was the ultra sound department for Gynae is shared with Antenatal ultrasound, a little ironic i hear you say, yes. Quite frustrating really watching all the mums with their bounty packs going off for scans. Yet im sat there trying to find a way to get to that stage! Bit insensitive of the hospital really.
Im finding this stupid diet a pain too. I know its all for a good cause, but why do i have to be the one who puts in 100% effort to conceive yet most other people "accidentally" get pregnant. Im gonna say they classic "its not fair". But i have to keep trying, fight through my worsening chocolate cravings. Oh i cannot tell you how bad they are getting. I swear i am getting more headaches because of the cold turkey. Arrghhhhh!
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