Well 3 weeks into my new job now, and things seem to be going good. I dont seem as stressed! But just trying to fit into the new routine.
I have been very emotional over the past few weeks. My period arrived on wednesday, this is the first one that hasnt been northisterone induced and so now its a wait and see if it ever finishes! I hope so!
I had a few really teary days. I think the whole situation is really getting to me. Mainly because i was hoping to have had a baby by now! But alas that plan didnt work! My husband has been great. Not only has the whole baby situation got to me, but i feel a failure as a wife. I just dont feel i do as much as i should in regards to housework! My diet has been up and down! Mainly down and i dont have scales to weight my self on at work anymore so im not sure what i weigh! Im dreading my gynae appointment because i know they are just going to tell me to keep loosing weight! I know that they wont give me clomid! As much as i hope they will!
I had some strange dreams over the past few weeks aswell. One involved me breastfeeding a baby and another involving me having a C-section, yes i know weird! Babies are starting to creep into most of my dreams! Just why not reality!? Have i been that bad a person that i cannot do the one things i am good at and to me destined to do! Bring up a little family! Thats all i want to do!
Blurgh!
Saturday 21 August 2010
Sunday 8 August 2010
Trauma!!!!!
OMG never in my life do i want to do an HSG test EVER!!!! It was awful....
The registrar radioligist was a lovely young man, he had a female assistant. Firstly husbands aren't allowed in the room, i was nervous as it was so this made me reall anxious. I got on the bed and they went ahead with getting the speculum in, MY GOD! He was rough and it hurt! I was in tears!! He took it out as it wasnt in the right place and then tried again!!!!!!!! Once it was in they pulled the machine over, but it kept jamming! They were pulling it and yanking and each time making the bed shake, which in turn made me clench which cause pain! After 5 mins of this i had enough and burst into tears!! I was sobbing and shaking like a baby. They decided to stop so they could fix the machine, so he had to take the speculum out! They were at least nice enough to call my husband in to calm me down!
Once it was fixed they asked if i wanted to continue! Which i did, get it over with now! So 3rd time lucky, speculum again! No he wasnt more gentle beings as i was upset! Finally got everything sorted! But boy was i quick to leave the room this time!
SO with that over with now, its just waiting. I have my next gynae appt in september.
Weighloss is going very very slow! I have given up with the gym and cancelled my membership because i was wasting money by not going and so i am having to find alternitive ways to loose weight, like playing on the dance game on the Wii! I will have to get a wii fit soon i think! Last time i weighed myself i was 112.1kg! So slowly getting there!!! But i dont think 2 days of junk food will have helped as we travelled 2 hours after work on friday to see friends, so got fast food to eat and then spent the day at the seaside on sat which again meant junk food! Detox week this week as in a few weeks i will be going to Leeds festival and the only option for food there is junk!! Oh joy!
The registrar radioligist was a lovely young man, he had a female assistant. Firstly husbands aren't allowed in the room, i was nervous as it was so this made me reall anxious. I got on the bed and they went ahead with getting the speculum in, MY GOD! He was rough and it hurt! I was in tears!! He took it out as it wasnt in the right place and then tried again!!!!!!!! Once it was in they pulled the machine over, but it kept jamming! They were pulling it and yanking and each time making the bed shake, which in turn made me clench which cause pain! After 5 mins of this i had enough and burst into tears!! I was sobbing and shaking like a baby. They decided to stop so they could fix the machine, so he had to take the speculum out! They were at least nice enough to call my husband in to calm me down!
Once it was fixed they asked if i wanted to continue! Which i did, get it over with now! So 3rd time lucky, speculum again! No he wasnt more gentle beings as i was upset! Finally got everything sorted! But boy was i quick to leave the room this time!
SO with that over with now, its just waiting. I have my next gynae appt in september.
Weighloss is going very very slow! I have given up with the gym and cancelled my membership because i was wasting money by not going and so i am having to find alternitive ways to loose weight, like playing on the dance game on the Wii! I will have to get a wii fit soon i think! Last time i weighed myself i was 112.1kg! So slowly getting there!!! But i dont think 2 days of junk food will have helped as we travelled 2 hours after work on friday to see friends, so got fast food to eat and then spent the day at the seaside on sat which again meant junk food! Detox week this week as in a few weeks i will be going to Leeds festival and the only option for food there is junk!! Oh joy!
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