Up and Down

Well 3 weeks into my new job now, and things seem to be going good. I dont seem as stressed! But just trying to fit into the new routine.
I have been very emotional over the past few weeks. My period arrived on wednesday, this is the first one that hasnt been northisterone induced and so now its a wait and see if it ever finishes! I hope so!
I had a few really teary days. I think the whole situation is really getting to me. Mainly because i was hoping to have had a baby by now! But alas that plan didnt work! My husband has been great. Not only has the whole baby situation got to me, but i feel a failure as a wife. I just dont feel i do as much as i should in regards to housework! My diet has been up and down! Mainly down and i dont have scales to weight my self on at work anymore so im not sure what i weigh! Im dreading my gynae appointment because i know they are just going to tell me to keep loosing weight! I know that they wont give me clomid! As much as i hope they will!
I had some strange dreams over the past few weeks aswell. One involved me breastfeeding a baby and another involving me having a C-section, yes i know weird! Babies are starting to creep into most of my dreams! Just why not reality!? Have i been that bad a person that i cannot do the one things i am good at and to me destined to do! Bring up a little family! Thats all i want to do!
Blurgh!